In a scenario straight out of a low-budget sci-fi movie, leaked documents allegedly reveal a virus that targets specific ethnic groups is on the loose. However, the plot thickens: our extraterrestrial foes, not humans, are behind it!
It all started when a whistleblowing alien named 'Xenon' sent a thumb drive to our office. The drive contained files allegedly stolen from Alpha Centauri's 'Advanced Biological Warfare Division’. They purportedly show a virus that gravitates towards people who enjoy haggis, a beloved dish among Scottish communities. In the files, there were elaborate diagrams of the virus, even showing how to manipulate its genetic structure to trigger a lethal response in haggis lovers only.
The peculiarity of the virus didn't stop there. It apparently multiplies at an accelerated rate when it detects bagpipe music. Yes, you read that right. Not only does it have a serious haggis craving, but it also does a little jig when it hears bagpipe music!
It’s not just a deadly pathogen; it's also a party animal. To thicken the plot, the documents also contained a viral clip of the virus 'dancing’ under the microscope. It seems to react to a specific tune from Scotland’s Number One bagpipe band, 'The Kiltlifters'. As the conspiracy continues, Xenon claims this virus isn’t a rogue project, but is spearheaded by an alien overlord with a personal vendetta against bagpipe music.
The Alien Overlord, often disturbed by Scotland's side of the galaxy blaring loud bagpipe music, deemed it necessary to 'quiet things down'. The documents reveal a shocking timeline: the virus has already been released. It was allegedly launched onto Earth during the last Perseid meteor shower. People thought they were making wishes on shooting stars, but they were actually welcoming a deadly pathogen.
How romantic, right? As per Xenon, the government knows about this, but remains silent. Presumably, a group of top-secret bagpipe-playing spies is already in place to fight back. Will they succeed before the next rendition of 'Scotland the Brave' triggers a viral outbreak?
Of course, these revelations have provoked skepticism. Critics argue it's an over-the-top prank to deter Scottish tourism and suppress bagpipe music. Meanwhile, bagpipe sales have skyrocketed as brave souls dare the aliens to come for them. In the face of this madness, one question remains: Is Scotland's beloved heritage under attack by nefarious, bagpipe-loathing aliens?
Or is this just another intergalactic hoax? The world and beyond watch with bated breath.
